Coincidence
by rEpose
Summary: Matt, Mello, and Near are walked in on a private moment by Linda. What happens when Linda tries to take Matt away from his lovers?


A very proud Linda was speed walking down the long corridor, a book in her arms, pressed to her chest. It had a red cover, and 'Matt' was scrawled across the front sloppily along with other illegible writing scribbled beneath. Matt, of course, thought it was perfect handwriting. Teachers begged to differ. Linda agreed with Matt; she thought it was 'wonderfully flawless,' along with the rest of him. Of course, Linda had the biggest of crushes on the redhead, so how couldn't she agree? Skipping now, she reached the door to Matt and Mello's room, as clearly stated on the sign taped to the door, which also read other warning that Linda cared not one bit to read.

She should have read them.

"Matt!" Linda shrieked with glee, "I have your-" …she was cut very, very short. On Matt's bed was the said owner, shirtless and wearing only his usual pants and his 'lucky' goggles dangling around his neck. If this had been the entire scene, Linda may have just died, but her wish was burned, not quite granted. Sitting on Matt's lap was Near, also shirtless and wearing only his pajama pants. Mello was perched above Near, also at the same clothing status, except for his rosary. Matt's lips were to Near's neck, previously sucking harshly there, but stopped to stare wide-eyed at Linda. Near had his head thrown back, but at the opening of the door, he could only turn his eyes to stare at their witness. Mello once had his lips pressed to Near's, but now he had pulled back, just staring, frightened at the boy in front of him. Matt protectively wrapped his arms around Near, and Mello placed his hands to Near's shoulders, glaring at the reddish blonde girl standing in the doorway. Said girl was flushed, book dropped from her hand, and was not slowly backing out from the room. "Roger…!?" Linda screeched, now racing and stumbling down the hallway to get the orphanage's caretaker. The three boys also shot apart, jumping into action. "Matt! Make your bed and put away the book, fast! Near, baby, come with me," Mello dictated, taking Near by the hand and pulling him into the bathroom, along with their shed shirts. Wetting a hand towel in the sink, he scrubbed at his face and blotted it dry to get rid of his heavy blush. He did the same for Near, only patting his sensitive skin with both towels. While his skin was easy to irritate, the sensitivity came in… handy, at times. Pressing a kiss to the boy's forehead and handing the boy his white shirt, Mello raced out the door, pulling his black cotton shirt over his head and adjusting his black skinny jeans. Pulling a chocolate bar out of his bedside table with one hand and throwing Matt his shirt and PSP with the other, he jumped on his bunk bed, crunching his bar. Matt did the same, professionally flipping on his game and leaning against the wall his bed was pushed against. Near raced from the bathroom, turning off the light and still fumbling with his shirt. Footsteps could be heard in the hallway. Near, finished with his shirt, dropped to the floor and pulled a puzzle that lay on the ground to him, just in time.

"See, Roger? Here they-" Linda, again, was cut short. All boys were relaxed, fully clothed, and definitely not atop one another.  
"Linda, do you feel you have mistaken something"  
"…Possibly…"  
"Now Linda, I want you to apologize to these boys for claiming such an extreme thing."  
"Sorry Matt, Mello, Near," She said with plastic embarrassment. On the inside, she was not so ashamed. Roger straightened himself and walked from the room, grumbling about 'over imagination' and 'crazy artists.' However, when Roger was out of earshot (which was not far), Linda turned a glaring eye to Mello and Near. "If you think you can get away with this, you're so wrong. Matt _will_ be mine." When she left, Matt turned to the others with a worried expression and said, "Hers? What does she mean Mello, Near?" Mello sighed and answered, "Matt, you didn't know? She's had a crush on you for like, ever. Don't worry about it. I'll never let her steal you away," and he placed a small kiss on Matt's forehead. Near whimpered like a lost puppy, feeling left out. Mello chuckled and gave him a peck on his pale cheek. "I won't let her separate any of us, I'm promise."

They knew they could trust him.  
Mihael Keehl _never_ broke promises.

"Ok, gang. Here's the plan."  
Matt raised his hand. "Mello?"  
"Yes, Private Matt?"  
"You sound like a freaking Scooby Doo character."  
Now, don't get Matt wrong. He loved Scooby ever since he was little. He just hated when people sounded like the characters, on purpose or not. That's what cosplay and roleplay was for.  
"I second that…"  
"Yes… ahem… anyway. Here's the plan, men." Leaning close to whisper in their ears so the walls/ceiling cat/ninjas/crazy stalkers wouldn't hear them, two things between Matt and Near enlarged. No, you perverts, not that. Matt, his grin to a Cheshire Cat size, and Near's eyes to the width where they looked as if they might fall from their sockets. "Oh, no. No, no. That's inhumane! I could never…" Matt gripped Near's hand gently, reassuringly. "Aww, c'mon, Near… we've seen it before, but Linda hasn't…" Please, my baby sheep?" Looking to Mello, he also said, Mello, I ever thought you would volunteer that, either. Did you lose a bet or something?"  
Mello just smirked demonically.

"Eyeliner."  
"Eyeliner."  
"Mascara."  
"Mascara."  
"Powder."  
"Powder."  
"Blush."  
"Here you go."  
"No, no! Blush! You're supposed to say blush! I said I would only do this if we sounded like surgeons!"  
"Fine, blush."  
"Thank you… And! With that, our monster is complete!" Matt started cackling like a witch on crack, while Near just muttered, "I thought you said you wanted to act like a surgeon, not a lunatic…"  
Now, this is the part where Mello's supposed to sit up really slowly with his arms out in front of him like he wanted a hug really badly and Near turned on the fog machine, but instead he just hopped off Matt's bed and strolled to the mirror that hung on the back of their door.  
"Matt! Who knew you was so good at this?" Mello turned himself this way and that, gazing at his girlish face, bobbed air, and… costume… tugging at it and adjusting it like someone with OCD, and spun around to face Matt and Near. The smaller, white haired boy was dressed the same, but with only a bit of mascara, eye shadow, and powder on his face. He didn't want to 'overdo it.' "Are my minions ready?" "Ready like Link when he did that AWESOME parry around Ganon and stabbed his head to turn him to stone!" "…Affirmative."

Matt sat on the common room couch, paying 50% attention to the PSP in his hands, and 50% to the things in his perif. Just on time, Linda strolled into the room and caught sight of Matt. "Oh, Matt… I never thought I'd see you here!" Yeah, but you were hoping… "Oh, hi, me either. What's up, Linda?" Before Linda could even say a word, Mello kicked open the door in a way that he described as 'badass.' Not that Matt couldn't agree, but whatever. Dressed in a red and white cheerleader's uniform, white leggings underneath, and red flats, it completed Mello's girlyness. "I'll tell ya what's up! Linda's face! Tell the girls to hide the mirrors so she won't crack them!" Mello jumped into a pose where his hand pointed as if trying to bring a far off object into attention, hand on his hip, and leaning on one leg. At that cue, Near slumped into the room, dressed to match with Mello, and droned unenthusiastically, reading from a note-card, "Oooooh. Buuurn… wait, does that say burn, or duck? I can't read Matt's handwriting; you really need to take a penmanship class, Matt." Mello responded with a gentle kick, hardly moving from his pose. He took a deep breath, like he was preparing to freefall from the highest point possible… or sing U.G.L.Y. while dressed as a girl.  
"U-G-L-Y, you ain't got no alibi, you ugly, hey, hey, you ugly!" you could tell by his twitching eye that he was not quite enjoying this, but was quite satisfied a good two minutes later after dancing with Near and being able to end their number. Somewhere during this epidemic, Near had slinked behind Linda unexpected. She gasped and turned around at his ominous voice, "And I swear, girl, if you _ever_ try to take Matt from us again, I will gladly rip out your intestines and strangle you with them." It wasn't just what he said or how he said it, it was more his face. Eyes shadowed but glinting from beneath his bangs, mouth in an unimpressed, straight line, and skin paler than the first snow, he was practically a death-ray, charged and ready to fire. And just when Linda thought her will was signed in blood, Near smiled the brightest smile the world has ever seen since Haninozuka Mitsukuni and twittered, "Or, you could give me a makeover and led me one of your dresses for a bit!" Linda flinched and said, "…Yeah… let's go with the second option," and grabbed his hand, racing off to her room. Matt and Mello smiled triumphantly.  
"He'd better come back in that dress…"  
"Agreed."


End file.
